Swinging For The Stars

Exit (Call Me) - k-os

Sometimes I just don't understand things.

There are so many things I want to do. So many things I can't wait to experience; see, taste, hold, hear- so many things I can't wait to be.

I want to reach my dreams, reach the top of that mountain that has seemed so far ever since I can remember. But every thing I see, everything I hear is saying "give up, that's not reality, you'll never make it.

But there is something I hope for even more than my own dreams. Something so strange and out there that I can't tell even my friends who believe in me because I know they just won't understand; they won't understand that my most secret desire is that somehow, someway we can all find a way to achieve whatever calls to us from the inside, whatever makes us feel happy and energized and alive.

Why? Why do people hate on me for believing that everyone deserves the right to shape their own destiny without others stomping on it? Why do people think I'm crazy just for thinking that a world where you aren't ever truly free to do what rings true to you is a world that I don't want to live in, a world that is worth fighting to change? How can you be so jaded as to believe that life is the way it is and even though it's fucked up nothing you can ever do will change anything? Are you really that convinced of your own powerlessness?

I can't accept that. I'll never accept that. I'ma shoot for the moon, swing for stars and know that one day I will shine for the whole world to see. I know you know which kind of life sounds way more appealing.

So will you stay where you are, never satisfied and forever longing for something more? Or will join me on this quest to find something beyond what we have ever dreamed?

The choice is yours.

-Rage, July 11 2009 C.E.

Fighting for a Chance

The Kill - 30 Seconds To Mars

I tried to be someone else
But nothing seemed to change
I know now: this is who I really am inside
I Finally found myself
Fighting for a chance
I know now, THIS IS WHO I REALLY AM
-30 Seconds to Mars, The Kill

These days I find myself questioning everything that I do; why am I resisting so hard? Whats so bad about just going it the regular way, the, for all intents and purposes, right way. Chasing dreams is tearing apart my family, but going their way is tearing apart me. I guess that's the real reason, everything else just feels so wrong, like I'm wasting the wasting my time in this world instead of doing what I feel I was put here for. I want to feel alive, feel like I'm making a difference, feel like i'm changing this world for better.

I see all kinds of evils in this world; greed, lust for power, hunger, intolerance...I don't want to be someone who can recognize all this but is unwilling to do what is necessary to change it. But I love my mother, and she wants me to be a good man, to take my medicine and put my private school education to good use so I can provide for myself within this society. Great, except that this current social construct, the one where your value is determined by who stands above you and who you stand on, and where you are told exactly what an hour of you life is worth based what those higher within the hierarchy feel it should be worth, is one which I am totally incompatible with. And to pretend that I can be who I want to be and learn to love living within such a society is a fantasy.

The Fantasy.

So now I find myself fighting for a chance to experience a life outside of these pre-set rules and conditions. I already decided my course, I've chosen my destiny and now it's time to see where this journey will take me, down every dark alley, every war-torn territory and maybe across the stars themselves even...because that is what calls to me, and ignoring it makes me feel empty inside. But I don't want to leave my family forever, even though it seems that breaking away completely is the only option. There has to be a way to do both, to explore this world and seek new adventures without killing a very big part of what matters the most to me in life.

I guess I'm fighting for that chance, too.


-Rage, May 31 2009 C.E.