Fighting for a Chance

The Kill - 30 Seconds To Mars

I tried to be someone else
But nothing seemed to change
I know now: this is who I really am inside
I Finally found myself
Fighting for a chance
I know now, THIS IS WHO I REALLY AM
-30 Seconds to Mars, The Kill

These days I find myself questioning everything that I do; why am I resisting so hard? Whats so bad about just going it the regular way, the, for all intents and purposes, right way. Chasing dreams is tearing apart my family, but going their way is tearing apart me. I guess that's the real reason, everything else just feels so wrong, like I'm wasting the wasting my time in this world instead of doing what I feel I was put here for. I want to feel alive, feel like I'm making a difference, feel like i'm changing this world for better.

I see all kinds of evils in this world; greed, lust for power, hunger, intolerance...I don't want to be someone who can recognize all this but is unwilling to do what is necessary to change it. But I love my mother, and she wants me to be a good man, to take my medicine and put my private school education to good use so I can provide for myself within this society. Great, except that this current social construct, the one where your value is determined by who stands above you and who you stand on, and where you are told exactly what an hour of you life is worth based what those higher within the hierarchy feel it should be worth, is one which I am totally incompatible with. And to pretend that I can be who I want to be and learn to love living within such a society is a fantasy.

The Fantasy.

So now I find myself fighting for a chance to experience a life outside of these pre-set rules and conditions. I already decided my course, I've chosen my destiny and now it's time to see where this journey will take me, down every dark alley, every war-torn territory and maybe across the stars themselves even...because that is what calls to me, and ignoring it makes me feel empty inside. But I don't want to leave my family forever, even though it seems that breaking away completely is the only option. There has to be a way to do both, to explore this world and seek new adventures without killing a very big part of what matters the most to me in life.

I guess I'm fighting for that chance, too.


-Rage, May 31 2009 C.E.